It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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信用卡有两张信用卡额度怎么算的信用卡逾期锁额度信用卡有欠款能提额吗信用卡有银行扣款但查账单没有信用卡逾期 记录消除信用卡有两张信用卡额度怎么算的信用卡逾期还款3天后果信用卡有欠款能提额吗信用卡逾期卡号失效信用卡逾期变黑户信用卡逾期2个月 恢复信用卡有两张信用卡额度怎么算的信用卡逾期额度吗?信用卡逾期2个月 恢复信用卡有欠款能提额吗信用卡逾期半年欠8000信用卡逾期还款的后果信用卡逾期 记录消除信用卡逾期 记录消除信用卡有卡号怎么能刷卡信用卡逾期末还款后果信用卡逾期19个月信用卡逾期卡号失效信用卡有额度取不出来信用卡有逾期但不超过90天信用卡邮寄都10多天了还不到啊信用卡有银行扣款但查账单没有信用卡有额度但是刷不出来信用卡有卡号怎么能刷卡信用卡逾期还可以找代还吗故事发生在新冠疫情前后,时间跨度两年多,围绕一个诈骗案中的一个重要嫌疑人,警方和卧底展开全方位的配合,深入看守所和监狱,最后成功突破嫌疑人的保护,将其缉拿归案。 本故事采用纪实叙事的手法,描写了一个在违法的青年所经历的牢狱生活后,在其中的挣扎、痛苦、自省、新生,从一个全新的视角向读者展示了另一个少有听闻的生活环境,具有极强的警示和教育意义。 主角因为犯罪后被捕入狱,在被关押期间和办案民警合作,接近并取得重点嫌疑犯的信任,为破案提供了关键性的证据,最后成功协助警方破案。 林逍遥穿越到妖魔神佛并立的异界,开局统死机,被困十里坡刷了十年怪。十年后,系统重启,踏入江湖。竟发现自己能看到别人头顶的血条!且只要让对方掉血,就能获得经验值,抽取宝物!比如能够强行聚灵且强制击飞敌人的【聚灵小手套】、一戳就算钢铁直女也能变娘的【娘娘枪】、套上就能隐身的【丝袜头套】、包治百病的【药王身上搓下的泥球】…… 懒得介绍吕萨不是人,也不是个东西。 吕萨只想做个人,但天不遂人愿:要么被当成傻人,要么被当成神! 这是人类末日幸存之后,科技退步了千年的世界。 也是一个被进化潮汐,赤月夜冕洗礼了千年的世界。 千年前,机器打败了人类。 被放逐的幸存人类,却原力觉醒,变异出了各种超级异能——雷术、脉气、风核,晶能…… 智慧生命扩展到了雷族、亚兰族、鲲族、尸族、猿族…… 这些神秘的蛮荒种族,与前文明时代的机甲残骸、星舰遗迹、高楼残垣、公路荒漠……,会擦碰出怎样的魔幻火花? 吕萨,这个人形AI,生化机器人,如何在人类世界深度学习进化,蜕变成神? 本书逻辑自洽,智商在线,故事性强,文笔流畅,爽点迭出,悬赏毒点。 老书虫看了大补,嫩书虫看了精进。 实在是居家旅行,上班摸鱼必备之佳作良品。建筑集团老总许勇,穿回到1986怂人狗娃的身上。 前后两世记忆一融合,他瞬间变得强大。 拳打村霸,棒扫混混英雄救村花。 夜总会遇伯乐,他的人生从此开挂。 组建乡村建筑队、办醋厂、种果树。 直到集团公司上市。 用超前三十多年的人生经验赚这个时代的钱,岂不是很容易? 看《超级农民工》为自己补办一场错过的人生盛宴。前世顶级杀手转生异界骷髅?! 诡异书页 ,神秘纹路,脑中突然出现的那是什么... 隐秘如一团团迷雾笼罩。 前所未有的异界大陆,阿尔伯特睁开了眼睛。 ”我的士兵,帮助你们的王铲除掉来犯的蝼蚁!” “你管眼前这个叫蝼蚁?!” 阿尔伯特的异界冒险,开始了!生活中的自己体会出这一辈子的不容易,也越来越对自己认知慢慢模糊。这会在某个瞬间,还是会找到自己之前的模样,会怀念,也会憎恨更会感谢自己所经历的一切,让自己不畏前行,继续向前走《血染的风采燕然勒功》一书为中国共产党诞辰百年献礼作品,本书改编自拙作《复仇利剑》。大学毕业生战智湛参加了“利剑”侦察分队,刚到南疆即遭越军“影子部队”暗算。“围点打援”一计不成,“影子部队”又偷袭“利剑”分队的营地,一次偷袭不成又再度偷袭。为夺取战略主动,“利剑”侦察分队跨境作战,打残了“影子部队”。战智湛怒歼围困战友的越军连队,突袭越军机场,在战友们默契的配合下活捉潜逃的叛徒、内奸、越军间谍“金莲花”。越军陆军司令部和情报总局之间的勾心斗角使得战智湛虽然几度与“影子部队”斗智斗勇,但却能死里逃生。战智湛的战友击毙了“影子部队”分队长冯氏德英,“影子部队”残部也被“前指”调到边境,被我炮兵部队聚歼。战智湛在战友们的接应下,返回祖国。一位东方的金融奇才,却因手下的背叛,被迫留在中国,为有朝一日,惩治叛徒,找回失去的东西,他“厉兵秣马”,暗暗积蓄实力,就这样,短短不到一年,他便迅速崛起,然而,这崛起之路,却因守护爱情和友情,变得跌宕起伏,由此,一场场争斗便拉开了帷幕…丁兆天大学毕业后回到海边渔村,在一次出海中偶得海灵珠,从此开启了全球直播的最强渔夫人生! 大海波澜壮阔,深海之下更是隐藏着无数的神奇奥秘! 丁兆天乘风破浪,纵横大海,从南极到北极,从浅海到深海! “什么?这极品白鲳鱼,主播按筐卖?” “我的天,那是几百块钱一斤的极品枪鲸?” “老丁是我见过的最霸气的海洋主播!应该说,是海洋之王才对!”
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